For those of you who haven't heard about it yet...REDBOOK has started a No Shame Campaign. REDBOOK's mission is to end the shame and secrecy of infertility.
I found the following article to be insightful:
"The Invisible Pain of Infertility"
I can also relate to SO many of these women in the following videos:
"The Truth About Trying"
Are you ready to come out of the closet? I'm not sure I'm quite there yet. Like the article says, I find myself feeling ashamed, even though I know I shouldn't be. It's a hard weight to carry knowing I can't do something that I "should" be able to. For some reason, I am embarrassed to be completely open about our struggles. I wonder why...I really do. Is it that I don't want the pity card? Is it that I feel others will perceive me as weak? Will others consider me a failure? Maybe I'm afraid others will act differently around me? Or is it I don't want to have the pressure of letting even more people down after a failed cycle? It could be a combination of these things. Why am I so worried about what others would think or how they would react?
I have been blessed with an IMMENSE amount of support from my parents, sister, and friends that I have met along this journey (through blogging and my RESOLVE support group). I'm grateful to have their ongoing support and encouragement!!! They really do give me the strength to keep going and face another day.
But, I just don't think I'm ready for the "rest of the world" to know yet (ie: coworkers, other family members, the facebook community). I do realize me staying in silence is simultaneously fueling the secrecy of infertility. I'm sure there are a few people in my life that are also struggling through this and by me keeping it a secret, I am preventing myself from connecting with them. As much as I want to be there for anyone in my life that might be going through this, I'm just not feeling ready to "come out" quite yet and I have to follow what my heart is feeling right now.
Have any of you felt this way or have any insight?
Thinking of you ALL day in and day out. I never stop hoping and praying that we will beat this someday and make it to the "other side", as I call it. :)
9 comments:
I didn't really come out about my IF until after our adoption. As I posted a picture and made a status while holding my son in a hotel room thousands of miles from home, I finally shared our IF with more than family and close friends and co-workers. It felt good to not have it a secret anymore.
I feel exactly how you do. I'm not sure why I feel the need to stay silent even though I think it's something others should be aware of. Even being pregnant finally after IVF... I did open up to some people and have been amazed by others honesty. I had a client and she mentioned she was dealing with infertility and I confided in her as well, and it was great to have each other to rely on. It's a tough one, I'm not ready either.
I have kept my battle private too. The reason I've done that is because it's a very personal thing between me and my husband. Of course, my immediate family and a few close friends also know, but that's it. The way I see it...there are just some things that we choose to keep between us and not discuss openly, i.e. our financial information, our TTC struggles, etc. It was even difficult for me to start blogging about my struggles because I am such a private person, but I did need SOME sort of outlet from it all and a place to be able to express my feelings.
Oh, and a HUGE congrats to your hubby on landing his teaching job!! Great news!
If you're not ready to come out of the closet, don't push yourself. It's a very personal thing. I'm a sharer by nature so it didn't take me long at all : )
I have chosen to remain silent about our struggles except for with my parents, my sister, and four of my closest girlfriends. Of those four friends, two are very supportive, one had a baby and now feels uncomfortable around me so has made it a point to exclude me from group gatherings, and the other is my closest friend who I love dearly and recently became pregnant again so avoids me (found out she was pregnant through facebook). I think my parents are even uncomfortable talking about it. I talk to my mom twice a week and she still has yet to bring up the fact that I am currently in the middle of my first IVF. I don't bring it up because whenever I do I feel like she wants to change the subject. You are extremely lucky that you do have so many supportive friends and family, and I am very happy that you do have that support. The only way I feel like I can talk about my struggles and frustrations is through my blog and Resolve. Through these two outlets I have gotten support from some amazing women, including yourself. We should not feel ashamed or uncomfortable talking about it. However, the reality is that most of us do.
I am appreciative of the fact that some are trying to get the word out about infertility. Hopefully some day all women, not just those going through it, can talk openly about it.
I have this same post today about Redbook today. I myself haven't posted a video yet cause really my blog is enough for me but I'm glad to hear so many stories being shared.
Each person is different, so by all means don't come out about your struggles until you're completely ready. That being said though, I hid our problems for a really long time. I didn't even tell my mom about my PCOS diagnosis until we'd started seeing the RE, almost a year into TTC. Once I started talking about it I was SHOCKED at how much better I felt. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. It also got me to the place where I was finally ready and able to let it all go and place it 100% in God's hands. It took deciding whether to do IVF or not for me to finally relinquish control of the situation and accept that it was truly His will whether or not we were going to have a baby. Once I did that, if felt like all my worries and fears regarding the IVF process were a million miles away.
It's super scary telling people about something so personal, but I've been amazed at the number of people I know who also struggled with conceiving and I had no idea. When we announced on FB about the baby I posted the link to my blog because I finally felt ok letting it be public knowledge. The number of friends who emailed or messaged me with words of support, encouragement, and "I can relate" type posts, was overwhelming. It felt so nice to know we weren't alone.
You will know when you're ready, and when you are, I think it'll be very therapeutic to put it out there, but don't do it until you're comfortable with people knowing.
I opened up about my struggles with trying to have a baby in my professional writing blog. I wanted my fans and followers to understand why I was late with a book release. I was scared about it, but I just felt like I needed to do it and I was so tired of feeling like it had to be so hush-hush.
I was overwhelmed by all of the support. I had so many people contact me to say they'd been through a similar journey. I even had friends of mine from college contact me (and I didn't even know they followed my blog) to say they too were struggling. I think it was a powerful moment for me, and a moment where I came to terms with what was happening in my life.
I do agree though that you have to sort of come to a point where you're ready to talk about it. Not everyone is always understanding and we all know that people can say insensitive things when they just don't 'get it'. I'm sure you'll know if the time is ever right for you to share your journey.
I realized recently that I big reason why I haven't told hardly anyone about my IF struggles is not because I don't want them to know, but because of how much it hurts when people treat it like its not a big deal. Someday, I think I with open up about it, but right now its just too painful to get the indifferent reaction, or even worse, have people tell me how much harder it is to have kids blah blah blah. On another note, I've been following your blog for quite awhile, though never commented. I was just heartbroken for you when I read your latest news. I am so sorry that you've had to endure this and hoping for a different outcome soon.
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