Here We Go Again

So today marks the beginning of IVF cycle #2. I am starting my 21 birth control pills today. Hubby and I had a great talk yesterday and decided to move forward this month instead of waiting another month to begin. My nurse gave me a tentative calendar to work with and it looks like the retrieval will be around August 17th (hubby's birthday) and transfer on the 22nd. (God willing)I will have plenty of time to rest before heading back to school the first week of September. We felt this was a better decision to start now since I am on summer vacation and wouldn't have to leave work for the countless ultrasounds, blood drawings, and appointments.

To be honest, I didn't know if I wanted to jump into another cycle right now. I used the excuse I wanted to "enjoy the rest of the summer". But the reality is...I AM SO SCARED. If these next two cycles don't work - I am done. I will have exhausted the treatments that would allow me to carry my own biological child. It's like I want to hide from this reality and push off the treatments. But, I can't. I need to move forward in this journey and face my fears. If God (for some reason) doesn't want these treatments to work - I have to accept that and realize he has other plans for me, for us, for our family. But WOW is that hard to face. :(

Fears set aside, hubby and I are really enjoying ourselves in Idaho. The kids are a lot of fun and are getting excited for their competition. Some of them race on Thursday and the others on Friday. Here is a pic of us w/our junior team at Mount Rushmore.

And hubby and I :)