I would like to start off this post by saying thank you to every single one of you. I cannot express how grateful I am for your unconditional love and support. EVERY comment, text, e-mail, card, phone call, and/or visit brought me so much comfort. I am blessed with amazing family members and friends.
After getting the news on the 22nd, hubby and I had quite a difficult weekend. I was feeling more emotional than ever and finding ways to blame myself. Not blaming myself necessarily for the actual miscarriage, but blaming myself for keeping hubby and I from having a family. It's a heavy weight to carry knowing that the reason we are having so many difficulties getting pregnant is because of my poor egg quality. (at least that is the only thing the RE's seem to find wrong) No matter how much hubby consoles me and reminds me that it is not my fault - I still find myself feeling responsible. I know I'm in a low place right now - but I actually felt guilty about hubby marrying me. If he would have married someone else, he most likely would be experiencing the joys of being a father by now. I'm sorry if that sounds irrational...but I'm carrying around this uncontrollable sense of guilt since this has happened.
I changed my mind back and forth numerous times in regards to miscarrying naturally or having a d&c. I'm glad I waited it out a bit...six days after stopping the PIO I miscarried naturally. I was up all night Tuesday night with some intense cramping and by early Wednesday a.m. the worst part was over. I ended up going to work a couple hours afterwards as I needed something to occupy my mind. I am just shocked as to how quickly it happened, considering my last miscarriage took a couple weeks to complete.
I can't believe I am not only a woman who has trouble getting pregnant...but now I'm officially a woman who struggles staying pregnant too.
It makes thinking of the future very hard to face.
My heart is heavy....
I'm "still dreaming" of brighter days ahead.